Mommy Brain

The day you bring home your first bundle of joy you have figured out one or two facts. For me the first fact I figured out was I was in trouble. I really had only a very small clue what I was suppose to do with this wonderful little package. However, she was mine and sink or swim I had to figure it out. Fumbling here and there I began figure it out. As the other little ones came along I figured out more and more. I had a groove and a basic understanding of what made all these little people tick.

I was comfortable in the life that had become my life.  After a little while I moved from comfortable to content. I believed that I had figured out this whole mother business and was going to make it through without any major fails. I was foolish in my belief that life was going to continue status quo. I was foolish in my belief that I had figured everything out.

This morning my 13-year-old son and I were having a heart to heart. Well, more like I was yelling, once again and giving the same lecture that he has heard no less than 3,345 times this year. Seventh grade has not been a fun year in our house. My logical brain knows that he will figure out the necessity of handing in work. My logical brain knows that he will not always be stubborn and refuse to take accountability. My logical brain knows that whether he figures it out or not it is out of my control.

Like I said my logical brain knows.

Than there is my mommy brain.

First of all my mommy brain is getting increasingly frustrated with the son who is almost at her eye level. Also, mommy brain is increasingly frustrated with his... let’s say... his developing maleness. The little boy that I brought in this world is dissolving and being replaced with a teen boy. Who, at times, drives his mom crazy! Who smells like a boy, and each day speaks in a voice a little deeper than the day before. My mommy brain refuses on some level to accept the evidence that my babies are big and I have lost control.

I know that in a few short years my children will be adults. Everyone has warned me that it is a mere blink away. I have tried to stop blinking but it is impossible, and every time I do blink they are another year older. College, scholarships, dating, missions, marriage are all the sudden relevant discussions.

The evidence can only lead me to the conclusion that I am no longer in control. The comfortable content life I once lived is now a world where growing children are taking control of their own lives. Their choices and decisions are theirs not mine. No matter how much I would like to take back the reigns, and control their choices, it is not an option.

All of these changes leave logical brain and mommy brain at war. I have to admit that mommy brain is a bit of a brat. Her way of thinking takes control more times than I will confess. Logical brain is rarely happy with mommy brain, but really mommy brain has all the heart. In addition to having all of the heart mommy brain acknowledges the fact that letting the chicks grow up is a bit more challenging than logical brain cares to admit.