The day you bring home your first bundle of joy you have
figured out one or two facts. For me the first fact I figured out was I was in
trouble. I really had only a very small clue what I was suppose to do with this
wonderful little package. However, she was mine and sink or swim I had to
figure it out. Fumbling here and there I began figure it out. As the other
little ones came along I figured out more and more. I had a groove and a basic
understanding of what made all these little people tick.
I was comfortable in the life that had become my life. After a little while I moved from comfortable
to content. I believed that I had figured out this whole mother business and
was going to make it through without any major fails. I was foolish in my
belief that life was going to continue status quo. I was foolish in my belief
that I had figured everything out.
This morning my 13-year-old son and I were having a heart to
heart. Well, more like I was yelling, once again and giving the same
lecture that he has heard no less than 3,345 times this year. Seventh grade has
not been a fun year in our house. My logical brain knows that he will figure
out the necessity of handing in work. My logical brain knows that he will not
always be stubborn and refuse to take accountability. My logical brain knows
that whether he figures it out or not it is out of my control.
Like I said my logical brain knows.
Than there is my mommy brain.
First of all my mommy brain is getting increasingly
frustrated with the son who is almost at her eye level. Also, mommy brain is
increasingly frustrated with his... let’s say... his developing maleness. The little
boy that I brought in this world is dissolving and being replaced with a teen
boy. Who, at times, drives his mom crazy! Who smells like a boy, and each day
speaks in a voice a little deeper than the day before. My mommy brain refuses
on some level to accept the evidence that my babies are big and I have lost
control.
I know that in a few short years my children will be adults.
Everyone has warned me that it is a mere blink away. I have tried to stop
blinking but it is impossible, and every time I do blink they are another year
older. College, scholarships, dating, missions, marriage are all the sudden relevant discussions.
The evidence can only lead me to the conclusion that I am no
longer in control. The comfortable content life I once lived is now a world
where growing children are taking control of their own lives. Their choices and
decisions are theirs not mine. No matter how much I would like to take back the
reigns, and control their choices, it is not an option.
All of these changes leave logical brain and mommy brain at
war. I have to admit that mommy brain is a bit of a brat. Her way of thinking
takes control more times than I will confess. Logical brain is rarely happy with
mommy brain, but really mommy brain has all the heart. In addition to
having all of the heart mommy brain acknowledges the fact that letting the
chicks grow up is a bit more challenging than logical brain cares to admit.
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