Yesterday, I had to run over to the church house to pick up A. and grab some paperwork from a friend.
On my way out of the church house a pack of boys were picking on another boy. Actually, five of them were holding the bathroom door shut while one of them tried to get out of the bathroom.
I knew most of the boys, and in my opinion they were just having fun, but it was obviously getting out of control. Added to the fact they were in the church house. I slid in between the door and all the boys and told them to knock it off. I didn’t yell at them, I wasn’t mean, I just said okay enough is enough move on.
The boys argued back a little. Tried to keep holding the door shut and I said, “Guys I know you’re at scouts but you’re in the church building, check yourselves, this isn’t nice.”
They grumbled let the boy out and soon their leader showed up and yelled at all of them. Through the whole experience I never raised my voice or even got mad. It was just a, “Ha, ha, ha fun over,” kind of experience.
What I failed to notice during the experience is that my 6th grade son had disappeared. I didn’t even think about it until the ride home when he told me I should have kept my nose out of it.
At first he said it kind of kiddingly. So I kidded back. Then he got all serious and told me that the kid in the bathroom probably deserved it. That the boys were handling it and it was none of my business. All the sudden it dawned on me I had embarrassed my son.
I said as an adult it was my responsibility to end it. As an adult who works with the majority of the boys it was double my responsibility to end it. A. assured me that only in my world did that make any sense in his world I just looked like an idiot.
I was taken back.
A. wasn’t disrespectful. He was just stating his opinion as he saw it. As I thought more and more about it I saw his point of view. I realized once more he is getting older and he is going to have his opinion and views on my behavior.
I have heard that raising teens can be one of the most self-esteem depleting experiences. I guess I always assumed that was because they would make choices that you didn’t agree with. Then you would feel like a bad mom.
What I didn’t realize is that the self-esteem depletion comes from the fact that now you have another person commenting on who they think you should be and how they think you should act.
I have went over and over the experience in my head. I know my intent, I know the tone in which I handled it, and I’m pretty dang sure that I would do it again. However, now I have certain 12 year old telling me to keep my nose out of it.
Making me realize, if I thought it was hard to know who I was when I had a bunch of little ones running around, I’m going to be lucky to remember my own name as I am surrounded by a bunch of teens.
On my way out of the church house a pack of boys were picking on another boy. Actually, five of them were holding the bathroom door shut while one of them tried to get out of the bathroom.
I knew most of the boys, and in my opinion they were just having fun, but it was obviously getting out of control. Added to the fact they were in the church house. I slid in between the door and all the boys and told them to knock it off. I didn’t yell at them, I wasn’t mean, I just said okay enough is enough move on.
The boys argued back a little. Tried to keep holding the door shut and I said, “Guys I know you’re at scouts but you’re in the church building, check yourselves, this isn’t nice.”
They grumbled let the boy out and soon their leader showed up and yelled at all of them. Through the whole experience I never raised my voice or even got mad. It was just a, “Ha, ha, ha fun over,” kind of experience.
What I failed to notice during the experience is that my 6th grade son had disappeared. I didn’t even think about it until the ride home when he told me I should have kept my nose out of it.
At first he said it kind of kiddingly. So I kidded back. Then he got all serious and told me that the kid in the bathroom probably deserved it. That the boys were handling it and it was none of my business. All the sudden it dawned on me I had embarrassed my son.
I said as an adult it was my responsibility to end it. As an adult who works with the majority of the boys it was double my responsibility to end it. A. assured me that only in my world did that make any sense in his world I just looked like an idiot.
I was taken back.
A. wasn’t disrespectful. He was just stating his opinion as he saw it. As I thought more and more about it I saw his point of view. I realized once more he is getting older and he is going to have his opinion and views on my behavior.
I have heard that raising teens can be one of the most self-esteem depleting experiences. I guess I always assumed that was because they would make choices that you didn’t agree with. Then you would feel like a bad mom.
What I didn’t realize is that the self-esteem depletion comes from the fact that now you have another person commenting on who they think you should be and how they think you should act.
I have went over and over the experience in my head. I know my intent, I know the tone in which I handled it, and I’m pretty dang sure that I would do it again. However, now I have certain 12 year old telling me to keep my nose out of it.
Making me realize, if I thought it was hard to know who I was when I had a bunch of little ones running around, I’m going to be lucky to remember my own name as I am surrounded by a bunch of teens.
Comments
It was the Mom in you & also the Teacher in you coming out. There's a fine line between the Love & Logic of learning his lesson and Bullying.
Hearing you talk, I seriously think my girl was born a teenager. My boy, however, will never do anything wrong. Sound familiar? ... Ahem, Mr. H...