I have come to the conclusion that expectations are one of the Devil's tools. Expectations destroy relationships, cause hurt, and often leave both parties neglectd.
Expectations include the unspoken requirements that we impose on one another.
"If you love me you would know what I want."
"If you love me you would know what to do."
"If you love me you would know how I feel."
Expectations are a game that requires mind reading and the abilitiy to make another person happy. Both are traits that no human I have ever met possess.
So what do we do with our expectations? Do we lower them? Do we higher them? Do we get rid of them all together. Que Sera, Sera (Whatever will be, will be).
That doesn't seem like the answer. When it comes to working with students high expectations lead to high achievement. If you belive a student is capable of more, treat students like they are capable of more, and expect more they will rise to your expectations. Why doesn't that work in our personal relationships?
The answer is simple. We tell students what we expect. We set the standard, we communicate the standard, and we give students the tools to achieve our expectations.
Our personal expectations are a whole other beast. When was the last time you sat your friend down and said, "In order to be my friend I require the following..." Even picturing the conversation in my head I know exactly how I would feel if a friend sat me down and said, "Okay, Krissi in order to be my friend I require you to call me daily, bring me meals when I'm sick, and..." I'm getting mad just thinking about the scenario and it is MY scenario.
Although, thinking about it a little more how nice would it be if people just told you what they expected from you. If you could fulfill their needs, Awesome! If you couldn't, oh well, they need to find another friend. There would be no wondering if they were angry at you or what you did wrong. You would KNOW!
I believe that the key is understanding our expectations. Do I really know what it takes to be my friend? Have I sat down and listed my expectations? Am I realistic about those expectations?
If one of my expectations, "You will bring me meals every Thursday," that isn't a realistic expectation. If it is a true expectation, I better be finding myself a friend who enjoys cooking for others, or I'm going to spend my life upset that I don't have a true friend.
The best way to conquer the hurt we feel when our expectations are not met is to understand our expectations. Also, to understand that not every person in our lives is going to live up to every expectation. Be honest, write down your expectations, check your expectations, and understand that the world does not end when what we expected doesn't happen.
Sometimes something even better happens. Unless it doesn't.
Happy Tuesday Everyone
Krissi
Expectations include the unspoken requirements that we impose on one another.
"If you love me you would know what I want."
"If you love me you would know what to do."
"If you love me you would know how I feel."
Expectations are a game that requires mind reading and the abilitiy to make another person happy. Both are traits that no human I have ever met possess.
So what do we do with our expectations? Do we lower them? Do we higher them? Do we get rid of them all together. Que Sera, Sera (Whatever will be, will be).
That doesn't seem like the answer. When it comes to working with students high expectations lead to high achievement. If you belive a student is capable of more, treat students like they are capable of more, and expect more they will rise to your expectations. Why doesn't that work in our personal relationships?
The answer is simple. We tell students what we expect. We set the standard, we communicate the standard, and we give students the tools to achieve our expectations.
Our personal expectations are a whole other beast. When was the last time you sat your friend down and said, "In order to be my friend I require the following..." Even picturing the conversation in my head I know exactly how I would feel if a friend sat me down and said, "Okay, Krissi in order to be my friend I require you to call me daily, bring me meals when I'm sick, and..." I'm getting mad just thinking about the scenario and it is MY scenario.
Although, thinking about it a little more how nice would it be if people just told you what they expected from you. If you could fulfill their needs, Awesome! If you couldn't, oh well, they need to find another friend. There would be no wondering if they were angry at you or what you did wrong. You would KNOW!
I believe that the key is understanding our expectations. Do I really know what it takes to be my friend? Have I sat down and listed my expectations? Am I realistic about those expectations?
If one of my expectations, "You will bring me meals every Thursday," that isn't a realistic expectation. If it is a true expectation, I better be finding myself a friend who enjoys cooking for others, or I'm going to spend my life upset that I don't have a true friend.
The best way to conquer the hurt we feel when our expectations are not met is to understand our expectations. Also, to understand that not every person in our lives is going to live up to every expectation. Be honest, write down your expectations, check your expectations, and understand that the world does not end when what we expected doesn't happen.
Sometimes something even better happens. Unless it doesn't.
Happy Tuesday Everyone
Krissi
Comments
Hope Saturday was awesome!
I wish it were that people just said what they wanted. Be blunt. That's what I love about Cristy.
Along with expectations is the type of person you are. Hand-in-hand with The 5 Love Languages. Do you expect gifts? Service? Nice words?
Hm. What does it require to be my friend? One, it requires a Facebook account. J/k. I love Angie & Rhonda and they're not on FB. lol.